The Cat Better Not Come Back

I haven't blogged for a long time - darn facebook. I will try to amuse my very few readers with this tale.

Once upon a time, this Monday to be exact, I was working at the store minding my own business when I walked into the office to find a very dirty, mangy cat sitting right in the middle of the room. It scared the daylights out of me but, not generally one to be afraid of cats, I said "Hi there cat, how the heck did you get in here?" Something in the way it looked at me made me nervous so I called Mark, as I've known him to pick up flee infested felines in our garage and tell them they are cute. When it's response to Mark's offering of food was a low growl and much hissing he decided kindness was not going to create a successful outcome. The next step was to shoo it out with a broom - huge mistake. Now the cat is backed into a corner acting like a demon from hell. Only one thing left to do, call animal control. Alas it's Labour Day and they are closed! Now what? I make the decision to lock the beast in the office and deal with him in the morning. For all you animal lovers, yes I left it a bowl of water. When I get there in the morning armed with cat treats to lure "fluffy" from the store he is sitting right by the office door so I figure maybe this will be easy. My first attempt failed when it had followed the trial the the door and I clapped my hands, not in glee but as an attempt to frighten it so it would run outside. Silly me. Instead it ran back to the office! Okay let's try animal control again and set up a new path of treats just in case it works a second time. May I just say that "animal control" is totally useless. They will not come and get an animal unless you have it trapped in a cage. I tried with my utmost logical, calm voice to convince the person on the other end that this cat was inside a place of business and a threat to public safety. She just kept repeating "You have to capture the animal and then we'll come and get it." Lady it I could capture the animal I wouldn't need you! As I'm arguing with this insane person the cat follows my carefully placed treats right out the back door. Just call me the "cat whisperer".